Oof...

Seattle international beer fest down in Seattle Center on Sunday.
A third of our intern class on the top of Mount Si's Haystack on Saturday, the 4th. Rainier's hanging out in the background.

Don't let these pictures fool you; I'm in a bad mood. Today was really rough. I had a couple moments of perceived competence today and the rest of my 14-hour day was like a bad day of middle school: I was late to class (morning report), my homework (patient reports) sucked and it got read aloud (by me), I tripped over the desk in the lunch (call) room and spilled water, my shoes smelled (true), the other kids knew way more about the Mayans (ICU patients), and I felt fat. It might have made it worse that everyone was nice about it. If they were mean and disappointed I could have gotten mad and externalized this crap. Being a doctor sucks!

I'm not really up for this, but let's play the "perspective" game:
- It's really hard learning to be a good doctor; I'd be pissed, bored, and disappointed in the system if it were easy
- My attendings, senior residents, and co-interns can make me feel dumb by comparison and that's awesome; I got into a wonderful residency full of remarkable people doing solid medicine and I get to grow here for three years
- It took me nine days to feel like crying at work; that's not bad with all this new responsibility and challenge
- I'm doing exactly what I want to be doing in life
- Today was partly hard because I had a full weekend off and had to learn new patients' stories this morning; having a sunny holiday weekend off to hike, party, and go to a beer festival is wonderful
- I got home to a roommate who bought me beer, gave me a hug, told me I was where I was supposed to be, and is cooking up some fish in the kitchen right now
- I know a lot more today than I did last week and I'll know a lot more next week, not to mention next year
- Not only were the other 8 days non-tear-inducing, they were pretty damn wonderful and exciting
- Tomorrow I'm not on call, have didactics and balint (intern-huddle-and-debrief) in the afternoon, followed by happy hour
- Wednesday I have my second clinic session -- which I loved last week and which gives me the opportunity to hand out business cards sporting my name and some funny initials afterwards -- and then we have a good group going to pub trivia at the Kangaroo and Kiwi to regain our rightful championship title while watching rugby
- Thursday I'm playing soccer with an old high school friend

OK, that's enough perspective. Dinner time.